Friday, November 15, 2019
Ulcer
Thursday, November 14, 2019
Young Man
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Gift of the Magi
Monday, November 11, 2019
Shoelaces
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Birthday 2019
Classmate
Friday, September 27, 2019
Slumber
The kids' bedtime are now both at 9pm. Calder, being in a special school with no tests and hardly any homework, easily makes his bedtime every day. In fact, these evenings he even watches the clock to announce "9 o'clock!" - time for bed.
For a change, today Calder slept later than his sister. This was because I wanted him to help me hang the laundry but the washing machine was not done with the clothes yet. Meanwhile, Ethel went to bed obediently - probably tired from battling PSLE Math this morning. In the 5 mins waiting, I decided a read a library book with Calder. Of course, the book took longer than 5 mins. After that, I settled at the kitchen table to do some marking while Calder hanged the laundry with occasional prompting from me. Done with the bamboo poles, he brought piles of damp laundry to the drying rack in the living room to hang.
Suddenly he appeared before me with his damp school T-shirt. Oh, this shirt would need a hanger. But the hangers are in Ethel's room. Oops, did he barge into her bedroom? I walked from the kitchen to the living room and saw that Ethel's door was open and -- her light on! And she was sitting up on her bed looking bewildered. I quickly turned off her light and closed the door.
By this time, I had noticed Calder's uneasy countenance. I figured he must have banged right into Ethel's room (the way he bangs any door open), turned on the light to search for hanger, but then was halted by his sister's cry of alarm. Shocked, he had then come out without the hanger, straight to me.
I explained to Calder that we shouldn't go into the bedroom when someone is asleep, that it's ok to hang the school clothes without using hangers. But then I saw him knock his knuckles hard against the rack and I knew that he had been frazzled. Thank God, the unease didn't escalate into a meltdown.
This incident showed me how different Calder is from us, that he has to be explicitly taught how to show consideration for others. It also showed me how vulnerable he is - it's so easy to faze him. But he's learning, and it's so precious - whenever he cooperates with whoever is trying to teach him something.
And now both kids are in bed and I hope both settle into restful slumber.
Monday, August 26, 2019
Will you?
What Calder may be saying,
which is why I won't give up:
I may never be as
good
as the others.
In fact, I would
fail
again and again.
Will you still love me?
Will you hold my hand?
Will you risk the trust
that even though I was not ok
yesterday,
I can be ok
today?
Will you determine to
celebrate my strengths
And forgive my weaknesses?
Again and again?
Will you persist in believing
that I can make it
one day?
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Sleeping Beauty
The afternoon did not go well. Shortly after entering the bowling alley, Calder started laughing. This was not the happy giggling that sometimes comes over him, but more of force-start cackling. When I approached him to focus on the warm-up exercises, he started edging off. It's like we were like poles of a magnet - as I moved towards him, he moved the distance away, meanwhile looking like he's ready to take flight. So I got ready to do what I've started doing when he exhibits such behaviour during bowling training - get him to stand at the lockers behind (there's a nook to hide there) where he can laugh all he wants (and not run away) in between his bowling turns. But two well-meaning moms told me they'd handle him and sent me off on an hour's break. Since I can never be sure if my own methods work, I agreed to let them take over. I spent the time working on an article I was supposed to write for a newspaper. Another mom asked if Calder can stop playing for a while to teach him that he has to behave. I said ok (whatever that works, dear). When one hour was up and I returned, Calder was no longer laughing. But he had spit all over his shirt and pants and even on the common seat. The Cantonese would say at this point: "No eyes to see". Immediately, I brought him home.
I remember what a fellow parent shared at a seminar- that special-needs parents cannot be "self-centred" because if we focus on ourselves, we think our children's behaviour or performance reflects on our capability as parents and that makes us want to fix our children (instead of accepting them). Indeed, among the many dark thoughts floating around in my head, I imagined what I must have looked to the other people at the bowling alley: Tsk tsk, this parent doesn't know how to control her kid. Tsk tsk, this parent is irresponsible (where is she when her kid is creating a havoc?!). Tsk tsk, this parent cannot make it.. Which reminds me of a Bible verse that I read and remember since young:
"It is dangerous to be concerned about what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." Proverbs 29:25 (Good News Bible)
Back home, I got Calder to wash the spit off his clothes (first time for him) and had him revise what he'd done wrongly at the bowling alley - "I cannot laugh laugh. I cannot spit spit. I cannot run away." He had sobered up so much by then that I had no heart to scold him. In fact, I became rather confused whether he could have controlled what he did at the bowling alley.
But heaviness had descended upon me and I felt like boycotting all the tasks at hand.
The next morning, he actually gave me an amazingly sweet smile when I went into his room to wake him up. But I couldn't respond with enthusiasm - the melancholy was on me. He caught the tone of my brusque instructions and started acting strangely again - closing his eyes and freezing when he should be dressing up, and then trying to use puckered lips to turn off the light.
I felt like I wanted to sleep for a hundred years.
I usually do my devotion right after Calder gets onto his school bus. This time, I prayed, "God, speak to me. I need to hear from you."
Guess what the day's Bible reading was?
Luke 22:46 NIV:
“Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”
And in my prayer journal, I responded:
"Thank you for speaking to me, Lord. I will turn to you instead of looking inward and indulging in self-pity. Teach me what to do, how to be a good parent."
Amen.
Monday, August 19, 2019
Overflowing
Over the weekend, I saw that Calder had become very happy after he finished his lunch. Probably because his stomache had been satisfied and also because the family was sitting together, he started bubbling with giggles. And he put his hands over his ears, I believe, erroneously thinking that he could muffle his laughter that way. After he left the table, we started talking about how, if he laughed hysterically, we wouldn't be able to bring him into Malaysia because he would have problem crossing the customs. The next thing we knew, his exuberance had turned into distress. He started crying and biting his finger and knocking his knuckles onto hard objects and wanting to stamp his foot. Ethel observed that he must have heard us talking about him and felt sad that he couldn't go Malaysia (yes, it's a grave mistake to be talking that way about him within his earshot). The next day, she reflected that he's very temperamental, switching his moods so drastically. What I saw, though, was an overflow of emotions - how happiness could become hysteria and sadness become agitation. Perhaps what causes him instability is this overspill of whatever he feels.
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Hungry
A few weeks ago, Calder was on a long bus ride with me when he suddenly announced, "Urgent." My heart took a leap - it's the first time he'd verbalized his needs so clearly. In my excitement, I responded, "Oh, you're urgent. Good talking! We will be reaching soon, then you can use the toilet. Wait a while more, ok?"
Two days ago, while at the bowling alley, he leaned towards me, sought my eyes (this time unmistakably addressing me) and drawled, "Hungry." Fireworks went off in my head! And most enthusiastically, I gave him the yogurt biscuits in my bag.
Later, I wondered: Is it such a big deal - to be able to say these two words? I told my mom about "hungry" and immediately she exclaimed, "Wah, first time!"
Yup, definitely a cause for celebration.
Monday, August 12, 2019
Orange
Calder likes to eat many fruits. Orange is one of them, so I figured I should teach him how to peel one. I sliced the orange skin with a ring peeler, and passed the orange to him together with a plate. So he peeled the orange and left the skin on the plate as he ate them slice by slice. Then I thought I should teach him how to slice the orange. So I passed him the ring slicer and taught him to glide three circles around the orange. Then I thought I should let him take the plate and the slicer himself. Now I just have to pass him an orange and sit down to watch him:
1. Wash orange.
2. Take plate.
3. Take slicer.
4. Remove any sticker from orange.
5. Slice 3 circles around the orange.
6. Peel off the orange skin.
7. Detach the slices and eats them one by one.
8. Pour away the orange skin.
9. Wash the plate.
10. Put the plate back on the rack.
11. Rinse the ring peeler.
12. Put the ring peeler back on the hook.
Next time, I'll ask him to take an orange from the fridge himself.
And maybe the next next time, I won't be in the kitchen when he eats his orange.
Letting go a step at a time.
Saturday, August 10, 2019
Explain
Calder ate yogurt and an organic apple (skin on), and left the kitchen. I didn't see him in the living room nor bedroom and was wondering where he'd gone when I spotted him loitering in the bedroom toilet.
Me: What are you doing, Calder?
Calder: Flossing. Food stuck in the teeth.
Wow.
What a breakthrough - the initiative, and the understanding of the function of flossing.
Hitherto he had only flossed at bedtime. To think that he can break a routine to achieve a purpose - the potential is exhilarating.
These few days, I had been consciously verbalising reasons behind things we do, thanks to an article on improving the problem-solving skills of autistic children. So the night before, when Calder was flossing at bedtime, I explained why he had to visit every gap - to dislodge all the food in between the teeth.
I feel like a tape recorder sometimes, going on with such running commentaries, especially since Calder doesn't reply.
But looks like it's worth the effort.
Thursday, August 8, 2019
Weekly Schedule Board
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
Art of communication
"How is Calder these few days?"
A question like this is not difficult to answer, unless Calder is around during the answering. It's the same reason why I don't bring him with me for autism talks anymore. Because unless it's all good news, talking about him would bring up memories of misbehaviour frowned upon. Reminding him of past misbehaviour, beside likely making him sad, is sore temptation to make him repeat that behaviour. Because he gets fixated on whatever is foremost on his mind. That's why if I don't want him to point at people's eyes, it's much more effective to distract him with another activity than to warn him "don't point" or "don't keep laughing" or "no spitting". Recently a fellow parent sent me an article about giving statements as prompts instead of issuing instructions. The writer reasoned that statements give more room for choice and initiative. So this morning, when Calder's school bus had arrived but he's still seated (frozen) at the void deck, it's all I could do not to push him forward. And instead of ordering him "go", I said, "The bus is here." Communicating with Calder (and in his presence) has become a high art indeed.
Monday, August 5, 2019
This or That
Was at Bartley Christian Church last Saturday for a Special Needs parent panel discussion. Had a book table set up and I was wondering why more people were buying "Come into My World" than the more recent "MY WAY". Then I remembered that in sharing about my frustrations over Calder's meltdown when he was young, I'd mentioned the title of my story in the earlier book -
"My Mommy is a Bully".
At book tables, people often ask me the difference between my two autism books. Let me attempt to list the suitable readers for the two titles...
"Come into My World: 31 Stories of Autism in Singapore"
Suitable for:
1. Families with newly diagnosed autistic children.
2. Parents wondering how to cope with their child's autism.
3. Parents feeling lonely or isolated for having an autistic child.
4. Parents who are in denial regarding their child's autistic traits.
5. Caregivers wishing to learn from other families how they can help the autistic child.
6. Teachers wanting to understand the family situations of autistic children.
7. Extended family members who can be more accepting of the autistic child.
8. People who wish to understand the needs of families with autistic children so they can help them better.
9.The general public who needs to understand autism better so that autistic children can come out of the house without their parents being judged or derided.
10. People curious about how autism affects lives in Singapore.
"MY WAY: 31 Stories of Independent Autism"
Suitable for:
1. Autistic persons who feel out of place in our society.
2. Parents who often wonder what their autistic child is thinking.
3. Parents who needs hope that their autistic child can improve.
4. Parents wondering if their autistic child would ever find employment or get married.
5. Employers who need to see the strengths of autistic people so that there'd be more job options.
6. Teachers wishing to know how to help autistic students reach their fullest potential.
7. Peers who wish to befriend an autistic person.
8. Bullies who need to enter the mind of an autistic person so they understand enough not to make life difficult for the socially awkward.
9. The general public who needs to stop expecting autistic persons to behave exactly like a neurotypical.
10. People curious about how autism affects lives in 15 different countries.
Saturday, August 3, 2019
Gong
Was one of two panelists for a parent sharing on special needs organised by the Scripture Union today. The audience, about 50, comprised mainly Sunday School teachers from various churches. Meaningful questions were asked, including:
"How can Sunday Schools welcome children with autism?"
My take:
1. Establish open communication with the caregivers. Because it's often the case that the child cannot report to the parents, Sunday School teachers can keep the parents informed of what was covered during that day's lesson, so that the parent can support by reinforcing the lessons. In communicating with the parents, it is good to highlight the child's strength and what the child did well that day. These snippets are precious encouragement to often flagging parents.
2. Find an area to let the child serve in church. It can be as simple as stacking chairs. Being able to help makes the child feel useful, and proud of how he or she can contribute.
3. Do not focus merely on teacher-child relationship. For the church to become truly inclusive, we need to consider how we can help the peers understand and love the child. A good way is to set up a rotational buddy system for different classmates to guide and help the child. This way, peers get an opportunity to know the child at a deeper level.
4. Consider setting aside a quiet corner for the autistic child to calm down during a meltdown. The ideal setting is quiet and not too bright. If a separate room is not possible, a partitioned corner with a bean bag can be helpful.
5. Pray for love. Because even with the best guidelines or procedures, it's there's no love, we're just an empty gong. So pray for love, and then wisdom to help the child.
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Good morning
Ethel asked me why I always speak to Calder in high-pitch voice, and talk to her in low pitch. Perhaps because Calder will always be the baby in the house, because of his simple ways. I noticed how differently I woke them this morning...
To Ethel (5.15am): 5.15, Mei.
To Calder (6.30am): Good morning, Calder! You had a good sleep last night? What must Calder do now?
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Latch
These days, when Calder turns off the fan, he would watch until it stops spinning. The other day, I caught him eyeing a swinging door latch. Then his right hand shot out to slap it into place. And the latch stopped moving. And he could finally get ready for bed.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Books for Mei
During June, Ethel had to return to school for supplementary lessons (Primary 6). Ambitious to bring back all her school books at one go, she packed them into two bags. As expected, she forgot to take one. I saw that the bag contained books she would need for the day's lessons, so decided to bring them to her. Calder and I took two buses to reach Ethel's school. At the gate, I told the security guard my intention to pass Ethel her books. He looked at Calder and I figured he's wondering why a simple errand needed two persons. "He's autistic, so I cannot leave him at the gate," I explained. The guard must have understood, because immediately he nodded his head and earnestly waved us in. Stepping onto familiar ground (Calder had been to his sister's school a few times), Calder was so excited he broke into a run along the sheltered linkway and disappeared into the building. Would I be able to find him, I wondered. When I entered the school, I saw a teacher and another security guard with Calder. It's apparent that they had tried questioning Calder to no avail. I explained why he couldn't answer their questions, and passed the teacher Ethel's books. Before we left, I prompted Calder to "bye bye, teacher". The teacher raised her hand to wave goodbye and received in return Calder's mighty slap. She exclaimed, "Wow, that's the best high-5 I've ever received!"
Monday, July 29, 2019
Tissue
When Calder came home from school, I saw he was holding something in his hand.
Me: What are you holding?
Calder: Tissue.
Me: Who gave you the tissue?
Calder: Mr Thomas (his teacher).
Me: Why did Mr Thomas give you tissue?
Calder: Because I cried.
Me: Why did you cry?
Calder: Because he is so sad (he got the pronouns mixed-up).
Me: Why was Calder sad?
Calder: Because I kick my leg. I shouted. I screamed.
Me: Did you throw tantrum?
Calder: Yes.
Me: Why were you upset?
Calder: (silent)
Me: What was the problem?
Calder: No.
Me: Did you go for outing today?
Calder: Yes.
Me: Were you upset because it was too hot, or too noisy? Or were you hungry, or did somebody scold you?
Calder: It was too hot.
But when I checked with his teachers, I was told there was no tantrum - in fact he was very cooperative at the outing to the eco-garden at Tampines Hub. So I tried to clarify...
Me: Who gave you the tissue? Is it the bus driver or Teacher Thomas or bus aunty?
Calder: Bus aunty.
Problem with this form of clarification is you don't know if the multiple choices include the right answer.
So had Calder thrown a tantrum or did he spin a tale to satisfy questions?
- Another mystery of our life.
Saturday, July 27, 2019
Runninghour 2019
Signed Calder up for Runninghour 2019. Since the meeting point was Safra Punggol, I decided to cycle there (35 min), walk the 5km (1 hr) before cycling back again. (When I told Calder we would be cycling to Waterway, he started galloping around jubilantly which was wonderful to see. )
Was pondering if I should dress Calder in a different colour in order not to lose him in the crowd. Decided to let him wear a luminous cap instead. I also placed a handphone in an elastic waist pouch for Calder to wear, in order to track him should he get lost. We were each given a blue lanyard which would enable us to claim the medal at the end of the race. Instead of putting the lanyard around the neck, I figured it would make a convenient leash and so tied it around Calder's waist pouch.
The meeting place was noisy with loud music accompanying warm-up exercises. Since we were going to just walk this year, I brought Calder to a quieter, less crowded area for some photo-taking. Thank God he no longer presents awkward grimaces before the camera.
Flag-off and we walked with the crowd. Weather was perfect, all was well until some aeroplanes started flying really loudly over our heads (NDP rehearsal, probably). I thought Calder would cover his ears. Instead, he bit down on his index finger. Not a good sign, so I got ready to hold him by the lanyard. Sure enough, he began to prance with big steps and looked like his movements would turn wild. So I suggested eating the yogurt biscuits in his waist pouch. We sat down to do so and continued walking after that. Calder started shaking the half-emptied mineral water. Should I stop him, because if he drinks from the bubbled water, he might get tummy ache? I decided that the bottle could be a stress reliever and let him shake it. But he dropped it twice and looked none the happier about that so I threw it into a garbage bin. Meanwhile, there were marshals reminding everyone to keep to the left, because the cyclists would be using the right side. But Calder kept veering to the right where it's more spacious.
Finally we reached the finishing line. There were cans of 100 plus to drink which pacified Calder. We got on our bicycles and escaped the crowd in just one minute. The weather remained perfect and we had a wonderful ride back which surely removed any remaining grouse.
If you ask me, I think Runninghour 2019 was a perfect outing for us, where Calder was tested on his self-control and won.
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Washing machine
In the bedroom, I read a library book with Calder. (What this means is that we took turns to read a sentence each.) After that, I asked Calder to help me check how much time the washing machine had left before the laundry was ready. He went into the kitchen, stood before the washing machine and made some sounds that I figured must be the timing. Then he came back into the bedroom, but did not report to me. I asked him, "So how much time is left for the washing machine?" He went back into the kitchen and did the same thing again. Wishing to know if we could start hanging the laundry together, I persisted, "How much time left?" He was going to return to the kitchen a third time! I realised that Calder did not know I couldn't hear him from the bedroom. Are we talking about theory of mind here - he couldn't grasp that my perspective and experience is different from his?
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Runninghour shirt
Jungle
The other day, I brought Calder with me to buy fried rice for dinner. When the girl at the store was taking my orders, I noticed from the corner of my eyes the chef asking Calder what he wanted to order (not knowing Calder's with me). Calder must have ignored him, because what I heard next was the chef muttering "cannot talk". It occurred to me that many autistic children are like Calder, only able to "communicate" with family members and close friends. Outsiders do not understand their utterances nor their ways. So letting Calder out of the house on his own is like releasing a pet into the jungle. That is, unless more people understand what autism entails and are patient and kind enough to find out the autistic person's needs or preferences without relying solely on spoken language.
Monday, July 22, 2019
Snip
Friday, July 19, 2019
Cake
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Family devotion
Every Sunday, the four of us would sit together for dinner and have family devotion as we eat. Taking turns, we share about one thing we're thankful for and one need. Each Sunday, one of us would also share something learned from sermons or from the Bible. Family devotion ends with another person praying over the mentioned needs.
Last Sunday, it was my turn for Bible sharing and I decided to recite with Calder Isaiah 40: 28-31, which is a passage we memorised and on which our pastor focussed for that morning's sermon. Then I shared why I like the passage - it is very conversational, it relates to our lives - a great way to introduce friends to our good God -
Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV:
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
If you're wondering how Calder, with his little speech, participates in our family devotion, we ask him to read out (which he does very loudly) the relevant Bible verses during Bible sharing. For thanksgiving, we prompt him with the starter "Thank God for ___". Maybe he got this confused with meal grace, because he always chooses food he just enjoyed (which is fine with us, since Calder really likes to eat). Last Sunday, he said: "Thank God for apple cider vinegar". As for prayer needs, his is a standard: "God, help me to stay well and healthy, and not keep laughing."
Monday, July 15, 2019
Partea
2. Mango Green Tea with cream and white pearls (my favourite)
3. Sijichun Fruit Tea with coconut jelly
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Titanic
I wonder where he learned it from, but these days, Calder would sometimes stretch out both arms (think Titanic) when walking. Last Tuesday, he did just that when he was walking across the platform of Kovan mrt. The platform happened to be empty except for a Secondary school girl. I think what she saw was this tall youth with arms strangely outstretched swooping down towards her (he must have been curious and wanted a closer look at something she had). And she cowered in bewilderment. So Calder swooped towards her and veered off as he walked on. I was rather far behind (because Calder walks much faster than me) but near enough to witness this amusing scenario. Ethel told me, when I related the incident, that I should have explained that Calder is autistic. That's true. The girl must have thought she met a weirdo.
Friday, July 12, 2019
Floss
Do you floss? This question was asked me when I visited a friend for a painful tooth two years ago. Honestly, I replied "nope". Even though the dentist friend did not express any surprise or chide me, I was embarrassed enough to decide to give flossing a serious try.
Previously, I had tried flossing before but readily gave up when the string got stuck between my teeth and then, when the stick version scraped my gum. This time round, I persevered learning to wield the string around my fingers to get the best taut line to insert between the teeth. I succeeded and realized flossing is just using a thread to get at stuck food - there's nothing scary about it. In fact, I could no longer ensure a day without flossing. And guess what? This new habit reduced my dental problems so significantly that I decided to teach my kids to floss too, especially Calder, whose unexplainable angst can stem from hidden discomfort like a toothache. Ethel learned fast and I proceeded to start on Calder.
Attempt 1 - At bedtime, after his brushing, I flossed his teeth using the string.
Attempt 2 - Figuring he would have a problem manoeuvring the string (he can't tie shoelaces), I flossed his teeth with the stick version.
Attempt 3 - I passed him the stick, wondering if he had enough purposefulness and tenacity to push the string right through. To my amusement, he went at it with great aplomb and instinctively adopted a method that I found ingenious - instead of pushing with his hand, he used his upper teeth to bite down on the stick and thus effectively drove the string down in between his teeth. And he understood without instruction that the string had to visit every gap between his teeth.
Attempts 4 to 6 - I reminded him to floss his teeth after brushing and he proceeded to do so for his lower teeth. I did not ask him to do the upper because they were spacious enough not to get food stuck in the gaps. I was amused that not only did he push the sting all the way down, he knew to wriggle it between the teeth. Perhaps he had watched the flossing procedure on TV before?
Attempts 7 & 8 - I decided to do it proper and now expect him to floss both lower and upper teeth.
Attempt 9 - He had no problem flossing except that he had yet to develop a clear system and would visit the same gap over again until I signal a stop to the activity.
Attempt 10 - Without prompting, he reached for the floss right after brushing his teeth.
And so in 10 tries, Calder has caught on this necessary habit that would save him from much dental agony.
Praise the Lord!
Friday, May 24, 2019
Moving off
The other day, I saw Calder walking backwards. He was looking at the bus we just alighted from. I understood that he wouldn't want to leave until he'd seen the bus do the usual thing - which was to move off. It's the same reason why he wouldn't want to get on an MRT train until the opposite train that had arrived earlier had made its exit. In this case, Calder walked backwards to keep the bus in view. Then I heard him say something unusual: "Don't worry." (And the bus finally moved off.)
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Hi-5
On the way to bowling training, Calder was walking ahead of me as usual. When I caught up with him, I saw that an old lady had stopped in her tracks.
"Did he bump into you?" I asked her.
"Yes! And he didn't even look at me. He just went to press the lift button after that!" The old aunty complained in Hokkien.
"Calder, say sorry!"
"Sorry."
Aunty was still looking very indignant, so I explained, "I'm sorry; he has zi-bi-zheng (autism)."
To my relief, aunty understood immediately, "Oh sorry sorry, I didn't know" and she started giving him flying kisses.
What a cute aunty. "It's ok," I put my left arm around her.
She smiled and elaborated, "I'm 90+; I cannot fall down."
When we were about to part ways, she cheerfully put up her hand and wave goodbye to Calder.
To Calder, a raised hand is an invitation to a hi-5 which he would put all his might into, so I quickly stopped him before he could advance towards her to give her that formidable smack that no doubt would topple her.
And so we averted a tragedy that really seems a comedy (heart-warming one too) in retrospect. 😉
Monday, May 13, 2019
Mommy Day
Memorable conversation yesterday.
Hubby: What day is it today?
Calder: Sunday.
Hubby: Is it Mother's Day or Father's Day?
Calder: Father's Day... (silence means wrong - try again) Mother's Day.
Hubby: Yes, it's Mother's Day. Who is your mother?
Calder: God (?! )
Hubby: Where is your mother?
Calder: In China (?!)
Hubby: What is your mother's name?
Calder: Calder.
Me: "Mother" is the same as "Mommy". What is your Mommy's name?
Calder: Brenda!
Me: Where is your Mommy?
Calder: (points to me)
Hubby: So today is Mommy Day.
😅
Saturday, May 4, 2019
Pick him up
On the train with Calder and a baby started fussing in his pram. What started as whinings became shrieks as both parents watched and then tried to distract him. And all the while I was repeating in my head, "pick him up, pick him up, pick him up..." because I didn't know how long Calder could take the baby's sharp crying. (Sounds of distress or anger agitates Calder.) Finally, the Dad reached to pick up his baby. And the baby instanteously stopped crying. And all was well again.
Friday, April 19, 2019
PUZZLE
Woe is she who does not count before she starts him on a puzzle.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Type 2
2. Where punctuation marks like comma and full-stop are located.
3. How to use space-bar to separate words.
4. How to use Backspace to cancel an entry.
5. How to move to next line using Enter key.
6. How to move the mouse to put the cursor where it's needed.
7. How to left-click to open a new word document...
2. Are repetitive yet progressive (potential to learn new things).
3. Are set in calm environment (not noisy or hot or urgent).
Sunday, April 14, 2019
Type
Calder's teachers suggested training him to type on computer. I was wondering what's worth making him type word by word. Bible verses! So I downloaded the app Remember Me that blurs out text bit by bit and that scramble words, and started memorising meaningful verses with Calder.
The procedure:
1. Decide a Bible text for memorising.
2. Copy and paste it onto Remember Me.
3. Get Calder to type out the verse/s on computer.
4. Align the text for easy memorising.
5. Print out two or three sets of this text.
6. Paste around the house.
7. Use Remember Me's blurring function to memorise the text.
8. Use Remember Me's puzzle function to recap the text.
Today's memory verse (aligned):
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 30-31
Thursday, April 4, 2019
Hiding Place
Calder was volatile today, vacillating between grinning and howling. In other words - moody. Is it because the weather was hot? Because I was busy and couldn't give him my full attention? Because he didn't sleep well last night? Something unhappy that happened in school? Because of raging hormones at 14? Or, like what his sister suggested, food allergy? It's another Mystery with a capital M.
What I do know is that when my autistic son gets moody, I have to drop everything I'm doing, and bring him into the dark and quiet bedroom, sit beside him and try to transmit my calm to him. I pat his shoulder rhythmically or massage his fingers one after another, in the attempt to sync my calmer heartbeat to his anxious ones.
This only works if I'm truly calm. So the worst thing that can happen is when he gets more and more agitated and I lose my patience. Because when I use the impatient voice, it gets magnified into his mad rage.
And so time stop while I try to assure him of my love. We listen to serene music or I sing to him. Today, the song that I repeated over and over again was "You are my Hiding Place". And it occurred to me that God has given me this soothing singing voice for the purpose that when my autistic son is born, it can comfort him.
And I'm back on the bed in the dark and quiet room, sitting by him like I mean to stay there forever.
May God give him peace.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
Deut 33 : 27
Full-stop
When Calder read aloud, he would pause at the end of a line on the page, but never at the end of a sentence. For the longest time, I had to remind him that he needed to stop at the full-stop. Then I found a good solution - to take turns reading with him, one sentence each. This way, he became sensitive to the full-stop.
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Autism Awareness 2019
FRIENDS by Brenda Tan
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
How many
Whenever I asked Calder for a number, he would start counting. How many paos did you eat? He would say "one two". How many chips do you want? "One two three." I've had to ask him to repeat after me: "I ate two paos."
Yesterday, there was a breakthrough.
"How many cherry tomatoes do you want to bring to school?" I asked as I prepared to wash them at the sink.
Calder replied, "Five."
Thank you
This morning, a young girl in primary school uniform kept the lift open for us as her Mom and other adults stepped out. I said "thank you!" Then I heard her say "thank you!" I turned back and realised she was speaking to Calder, who upon exiting had gone to the outside lift button, keeping it pressed for her to exit "safely". A beautiful scenario to start the day!
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Tell Mei Mei
Before bedtime, I got Calder to hang the laundry. When he had finished, he went as usual to the washing machine to check that he had not missed out any clothes. Upon leaving the kitchen, he turned off all its lights, not realising that Ethel was brushing her teeth in the kitchen toilet.
Ethel: Calder!
Calder quietly turned the lights back on. When I met him in the Iiving room, I decided that he needed to learn to apologise in situations like this.
Me: Calder, tell Mei Mei "sorry".
Obediently, Calder turned back to find his sister.
And he said to her:
Tell Mei Mei sorry.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
Prefer
Teaching Calder to use the word "prefer" and wondering how much he understands.
Me: Calder, do you prefer apple or orange?
Calder: Apple.
Me: Do you prefer orange or grapes?
Calder: Grapes.
Me: Do you prefer Mei Mei (Ethel, who was sitting beside us, supposedly doing homework but really listening with a spark in her eyes) or Mommy?
Calder: Mei Mei.
Me: Do you prefer Mommy or Daddy?
Calder: Daddy.
Me: How is Mommy feeling?
Calder: Happy!
Thursday, February 21, 2019
Baby Shark
The Baby Shark song has such a happy tune that I adapted it into a love song for Calder -
Mommy love you doo-doo-doo-doo-doo X3,
Mommy love
Busy teaching at the Singapore Institute of Technology, I hadn't sung this song to Calder for a while. Yesterday, he was wandering around the house while I was engrossed in an autism post (listing places I'd shared about autism). The next thing I knew, he had sauntered out of a room singing our sharky-love song and meeting my eyes in a radiant grin.
Life is beautiful.
Ostrich
Calder knows he mustn't laugh loudly and continuously because it disturbs other people, especially in a quiet place. But the laughing fits still come. Recently, I saw that he would put his hands over his ears when he starts laughing. And press harder when the laughing gets louder.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Excuse Me
Calder is speaking more these days, using words we have taught him. Yesterday evening, he came to me as usual, waiting for instruction what to do next. Since he had already practised piano and watched TV and played on his tablet, I suggested that he go look out the window (he likes to see traffic). There was a clothes rack in front of the big window in our living room. As Calder manoeuvred his way around the clothes rack, he actually said, "Excuse me, hanger."