12 Days in Korea

We had our first family trip to Korea from 16 to 28 April 2026 (Seoul, Jeju, Busan) and the following are some personal notes on the experience...

Escalator 

The first thing I noticed when we arrived at Seoul airport was that the escalators in Korea require standing on the right and moving on the left (opposite from Singapore). I had to remind Calder a few times not to block the left side. Not easy especially since he had a luggage to take care of. We were on a 12-day trip with hotel offering laundry facility (coin-operated) only on Day 9, so we brought two medium and two small luggages - each person towing one. It's the first time Calder had a luggage to mind and he kept abandoning it (when he went toilet/bee-lined for a seat on subway). 

Bakeries 

It's not common for hotels in Korea to offer breakfast. Initially, I was concerned about Calder getting hungry while we scouted for breakfast. Turned out there're many bakeries with a great variety of tasty bread and pastries displayed attractively on trays. Calder was happy with the familiar food. While exploring Gwangjang market in Seoul, we saw a long queue at Garlic Boy and decided to join the line. This stall sold variations of garlic bread and we tried four. All were good! I noticed the stall had slogans like "Lucas is back", "Emma is back". At first, I thought they were names of popular staff. But the same signage appeared at another branch. Turned out they were names of their bread varieties. I was soon to discover that almost all garlic bread sold in Korea were tasty - deeply flavoured and sweeter than the ones in Singapore. It made me want to choose garlic bread flavor for the HBAF almonds that we later bought back home.

Seafood 

Besides garlic bread, my other favorite food in Korea was seafood. In Busan, after taking the cable car, we stumbled upon a row of stalls that sold seafood. One vendor earnestly invited us to her stall, assuring us that a large set (90000 won) would be sufficient for our family of four. Since it was lunch time and we wanted to eat seafood in Busan, we sat down to a meal prepared for us. Calder was wary of the spiralling smoke as the seafood was grilled over charcoal briquette. He ate prawns and some squid, but didn't take to abalone and scallop or other shellfish. The staff placed before us a plate of squirming octopus tentacles that we thought were meant for grilling but turned out to be sashimi. I was going eeeks! when one of the still-moving tentacles dropped from the table onto my hand. The plate had raw orange sea squirts too. Ethel tried the raw octopus and pronounced it good. But the rest we asked the staff to kindly cook it. So she grilled them on scallop shells. Scallop she grilled with lots of shredded cheese. I realized it's nice to not to have to decide every dish but be surprised by what the set meal offers. I suppose the surprise was partly because we couldn't understand Korean words on menus. Thank God for Google lens (that translated well for print but not handwritten words) and Google Translate (which we used often to convey that we didn't want our food spicy). We decided to try barbeque seafood again and found out that the items offered were similar across different stalls. Since Calder wouldn't take shellfish, we ordered for him fried rice. During trips, he always looked happy to meet familiar food like bread, pizza and fried rice. He ate non-spicy fried chicken too.

Alternative food

Many restaurants in Korea require each customer to order a main meal. After a number of over-sixty dollar meals, we looked for cheaper alternatives in the supermarket. Cup noodles! Supplemented with gimbap or roasted chicken or sliced pork trotter (which turned out to be rather tough). Did this twice during the trip. Ethel had certain food in mind that she wanted to eat in Korea: Grilled meat, Korean fried chicken, jajang noodles, cold noodles etc, so we left meal slots to try these. Calder was fine with cup noodles and meat dumplings and gimbap. Good thing we packed a fork because the eateries usually supply just spoons and chopsticks. A few times, I nearly forgot to keep our personal fork after the meal. Later, I taught Calder to use another spoon to push food, like what he does with a fork. In this way, he dined with two metal spoons, unless he was eating noodles that required a fork.

Drinks

The eateries usually supply drinking water from a dispenser or jug. We took the opportunity to fill up our water bottles. To reduce plastic waste, tour agencies in Korea do not supply bottled water. Many hotels do not supply toothbrush either. While Ethel and her Dad drank coffee, I bought yogurt drinks and flavoured milk from convenient stores for Calder and me. Hubby discovered that makgeolli was cheap (around 2000 won a bottle in convenient stores) and refreshing. In cafes, strawberry latte (no caffeine) was something Calder appreciated. We saw a hot drinks vending machine on a subway platform and elderly uncles sitting beside train doors, sipping from paper cups. Actually, on our first train ride in Korea, air hostesses were snacking on chocolate stick wafers on the train. It's probably permissible to eat and drink on Korean mrt. Like Singapore, the trains have special seats for disabled/elderly (I had to stop Calder from choosing these seats). There were even designated seats for pregnant women and cabins for those who prefer weaker air-conditioning.

Activities 

In this trip, we figured out a way to do shopping without the guys impatiently waiting - Ethel to venture out on her own during our afternoon siestas. She was able to find jackets that she liked in Hongdae. Of course, there was also Olive Young for the facial products. We enjoyed exploring the markets and travelling on buses, besides trying out Korean food (especially the wide selection of bread). 

Fruit was strangely scarce in the Seoul city area, sold expensively in cups in convenient stalls. We decided to head to Cheongnyangni wholesale fruit and vegetable market. That was one of the best decisions made. There were big baskets of strawberries selling as cheaply as 4000 won. Ethel chose a 5000 won basket which had bigger strawberries (though I don't suppose bigger means sweeter). We also bought a big basket of loose grapes for 1000 won and they were so sweet! 

Ethel likes to do costume photography so we let her rent a hanbok when we were visiting Gyeongbokgung Palace. The rental (Dorothy Hanbok Travel) was only 12000 won for 2 hours. Since those wearing traditional costumes enjoyed free entry into the palace (otherwise 6000 won), hubby suggested I rent a costume too. Calder was patient waiting as Daddy took pictures of Ethel and Mommy. Occasionally we beckoned him to take a family shot together. There were hardly any seats at the palace, so Calder spent some time sitting on steps. The steps were so low that he unbuttoned his pants and after a while, proceeded to pull out the button. Two pants became button-less in this trip but I think Calder was outgrowing them anyway, so no big loss. 

In Jeju, we tried cycling but it was a bad idea because the slopes were so steep (no wonder the vendor kept recommending electric bikes). Calder was not used to mountain bikes (at home, his was the foldable type) and what with having to get off so often to push the bike (the leg had to swing back high to dismount), he got upset and tried to ram our bikes. Thank God it didn't escalate into a meltdown. But we gave up the activity soon after and returned the bikes in less than 2 hours (although at 25000 won, we could have them for the whole day). 

On the other days, we followed local tour guides to explore Eastern and Southwest Jeju. Through these tours, we briefly visited parks, waterfalls, cave, beach etc. The first Jeju tour was awful because of the rainy weather. The wind was so strong it kept flipping our umbrellas backward. Calder fairly gave up on his umbrella. To keep him warm, we gave him a woollen neck warmer. It was so cold and wet that I much preferred to hide in the tour bus. Fortunately, the other days in Korea were sunny. We were told that because of the strong wind, Koreans use raincoats instead of umbrella. But our first tour guide (in Seoul) carried a black umbrella in the sun - probably to protect his fair complexion. 

Towards the end of the trip, we spotted an empty photo booth and had fun taking 10-sec shots of the family. It cost only 4000 won and made a lasting good memory of our first trip to Korea.

Bus Angels

Received a call from an unknown number. 

"Hello Mdm, this is the bus captain of 43. My bus broke down but your son doesn't want to get down." 

Me: "Can you put him on the next Bus 43 and ask the driver to alert him at Siglap mrt?" 

"Ok, but he just sits there." 

Me: "Can he stay on your bus until the next bus comes?" 

"Can, until the tow truck comes. He is just sitting there, no response." 

Me: "Oh, he doesn't talk." 

"Maybe you can talk to him?" 

Me: "Calder, your bus is spoilt. Bus uncle will help you change to another bus, and you alight at Siglap mrt, ok?" 

(No response)

"Mdm, the next bus is here." 

Me: "Can you bring him over?" 

"I go and talk to the bus captain first... Ok Mdm, the bus captain has ferried him before. He knows what to do. Your son is now on the other bus. "

Me: "Thank you! Thank you so much. "

Beeps

Yesterday, Calder and I arrived at the bus stop a bit late. We were still a distance away when Bus 43 arrived. Oops, looks like he's going to miss the bus, I thought. Strangely, the bus didn't move off. Then we heard beeps from the bus horn. When I gazed into the tinted glass, I recognized our favorite bus driver. (He was the one who exclaimed "no problem!" the first time I asked him to alert Calder at Siglap mrt.) He was waiting for Calder to board his bus. He waved and I didn't even need to convey my request before he announced: I will watch over him (我会看他)! Today we arrived at the bus stop earlier than usual. As the bus approached, we heard beeps again. It's the same driver waving at us. I do not know his name but I'm so thankful for people like him who obviously enjoy their work and who go the extra mile to be a blessing to others. 

Peace

I was asked to share my thanksgiving at Royal Kids Christmas lunch (27 Dec). Knowing Calder would be around, I couldn't go into details. But the reflection made me see God's gentle beckoning and loving provision over the years:

(Picture was taken with Ling Sheue King, a parent who started Royal Kids in 2020. Royal Kids hosts Zoom program for special needs every Friday 7.45 to 8.30pm, featuring bible stories and songs.)

Brenda's Thanksgiving 

I keep a prayer journal on my phone. I often start the day with: Dear Lord, thank you for this new day. Indeed, I thank God for giving me life. With life, there is awareness. With awareness, there is appreciation. Recently Calder playfully tried to remove the spectacles from my nose. I exclaimed: Calder, Mommy needs my specs to see clearly! Indeed I'm thankful not just to be able to see physically. I'm very thankful that God has opened my spiritual eyes as well. When I look back, I see how God gently drew me to himself. When I was 9 years old, I joined the Girls' Brigade and became friends with Jesus. The captain in the Girls' Brigade brought me to church and I joined Sunday School, where I got to know God more. Later, the Holy Spirit prompted me not to be a lukewarm Christian, and I signed up for Bible Study Fellowship, which helped know God deeply. What really built my relationship with God, though, was how he walked with me through the highs and lows of parenting. It is not easy to be a parent. Being a loving parent means putting our child before ourselves. It is especially difficult if your child has special needs. There seems to be no end to what we have to give up. It's like burning ourselves up to keep the child warm. But God was the close friend who understood, who supernaturally charged me up with his strength, who whispered the wiser ways to go about things. He told me it's ok that I'm not perfect - I can heal as I wear his robe of righteousness. He gave me peace and more peace to cope with disappearances, meltdowns, unspeakable anguish, closed doors...He gave me voice and turned my difficult moments into books and blogs and autism sharing that could help others. And he put people in my life to share the burden. It's very tiring for a caregiver to constantly have to occupy a special needs child. So I'm thankful for programs like Royal Kids that occupy Calder meaningfully. It's so good to be able to rest the 45 min that Calder is enjoying Royal Kids on Zoom every Friday. Most importantly, God is showing me that just as He loves me and has drawn me to Him, He loves Calder too and is drawing Calder to Himself. Recently, Calder was baptized in St Andrew's Cathedral and now the whole family takes Holy Communion together. During a very challenging period in my parenthood, God comforted me with John 16:33: 

"...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Now, I see hope as I remember Isaiah 54:13:

" ...your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace".

7 Days in Guangzhou

(4-11 Dec 2025)

Just returned home from a week's vacation in Guangzhou. It's the first time our family visited Guangzhou. First time hubby and the children visited China actually. It's a city that reminds me of Taiwan. The outstanding experience of course is that everything was paid using handphone. We downloaded Alipay but found there were a few eateries that used only WeChat pay. Shops closed around 10pm and it could be quite dark at night. Otherwise it appeared to be a safe place. I suppose paying by handphone eliminates the risk of cash theft or robbery. We travelled by Didi which has a system similar to Grab transport. I was impressed that the Didi cars were so readily available and always arrived so fast. We went to Guangzhou with a mother-daugther pair who were originally from Fujian and are now Singapore citizens. The mother told us Didi is cleaner than taxis. I can understand why, since the vehicle is basically the owner's beloved personal car. Probably due to the cool weather (around 24 degrees), the Didi drivers often drove with partially open windows. During a long night ride, Calder kept giggling. At first, I thought he found accelerating along the expressway thrilling. The laughing stopped when we closed the windows. We stayed in 3 hotels, the last one near the airport so we didn't have to wake up in the wee hours for our 8.15am flight home. When we travel, we like to stay at different hotels to try different accommodation and breakfast. On this trip, all the hotels offered buffet breakfasts (though we were not in time for the last one). Calder looked happiest at these meals because he would meet familiar foods like bread, cereal, cakes, pao, fruit juice etc. My Chinese friend wondered: How were we to enjoy dim sum breakfast if we had hotel buffet breakfast every morning? I told her dim sum could be eaten for lunch. In retrospect, her concern was valid because after a heavy buffet breakfast that included Chinese dumplings and paos and porridge, we did not find ourselves keen for dim sum lunch. Often , we would eat a light or late lunch. But I saw in this trip that it's wise to start with buffet breakfast because then Calder would not be hungry when we explored local cuisine for lunch or dinner. He did not take to new tastes readily and would spit out food that he disliked. He didn't like roasted goose and so we didn't offer him roasted pigeon. He refused to open his mouth big for tiger prawn wonton or blocks of meat (like black cha siew). We decided to buy a pair of scissors to cut food for him. The Caixin vegetable in Guangzhou (nice!) was often boiled in long stalks. This I cut for him too. We brought fork and spoon that came in handy because many eateries provided only chopsticks, though some may give soup spoons. So Calder would have a filling breakfast, light lunch (because he rejected many foods). In the evenings, if I saw that he'd eaten little after breakfast, I would pack him fried rice (familiar food) to fill him up again. Ethel found the fried rice in Guangzhou very delicious. Although Calder didn't seem to like hot pot or soup noodles, he was happy eating Japanese ramen and MacDonald's cheese burger. He sure looked happy when I gave him peeled roasted chestnuts - another familiar food that his late grandma liked and would feed him with. I was constantly looking out for bakeries to buy him supper. He found the version of Cheng Ting too sticky but finished his bowl of yam and sweet potato ball sago dessert. Calder was good natured during this trip, very patient in fact since he had to do a lot of waiting when his sister was taking photographs or shopping. The cool weather helped. Now Calder could stand still for photos, tilt his head as instructed and look into the camera. When out walking, he's always 20 steps ahead but we made a point to call him back in a light hearted manner so there was no cause for agitation. He slept very well, often the last one among us to wake up for breakfast. As for flight, the seats had limited space for his long legs. He's very happy when it's time to go to the toilet. He didn't know how to slide the lock all the way to light up the toilet though, so he was peeing in the dark. At least he could come out of the toilet (I was worried - what if he locked himself in). For the 3+ hour flight, I let him watch documentaries and listen to classical music. He did not like airplane meat and ate only the rice and bun (with butter and also sugar that we took from the hotels). He downed the juices quickly enough though. In this trip, I didn't have to distract him with snacks during takeoff or landing. Ethel's highlight of the trip was probably the S$100 photography package that included period costume, makeup and outdoor photography. Ethel was also happy shopping at 动漫星城 for its youthful apparel at cheap prices. We went to Baiyun mountain which was crowded. Took cable car up and the girls chose to visit a bird enclosure where we saw many peacocks. So much time was spent taking pictures and videos of the peacocks that it was soon dinner time. Instead of trekking, we took cable car down the mountain. We went to Foshan the next day and found it warm like Singapore there! Had wanted to ride bicycle around the lake but it was too hot during the day and by the time we finished more photography at Lingnan Tiandi, it would get dark too soon. Consequently, this trip was lacking in fun physical exertion that would have made the vacation more suitable for Calder. As for me, the highlight was finding that all the hotels provided free use of washing machines with washing detergent. They had dryers and even steam irons. (I discovered that compared to packing smelly clothes, I loved to do laundry during vacations!) Consequently our luggage was often carrying clean clothes, which made laundry so much lighter after the trip. I managed to try 螺蛳粉 (snail rice noodles), the controversial dish often discussed in variety shows - you either love it or hate it. I loved it! I also liked 椰子鸡 (coconut chicken) which is a hotpot of chicken cooked 4 mins in coconut water. The family enjoyed yam milk at Coco. The night before departure, we also discovered good 猪脚饭 (braised pork trotter rice). Guangzhou is very much a city. I would choose to include more nature in future trips. Nonetheless I'm thankful for the new foods we tried, for the efficient Didi, for washing machines, for good weather and most of all, for Calder's stability.

Walk of a Lifetime

An interview conducted by St Andrew's Autism Centre for Walk of a Lifetime 2025:

1. When you share about Calder, what will you want others to know about him?

That he is unique and precious.

2. If Calder could stand up to tell others about himself, what would Calder say? How will Calder introduce himself?

He's unlikely to want to introduce himself because he is an introvert. If he's not, it might look like this:

I am Calder. I am 21 years old. I work at St Andrew's Autism Centre. When I'm free, I listen to music or play word games on my handphone. I also like to cycle. I like to eat. But I don't take spicy food. I also play the piano, and read books (aloud) with Mommy.

3. What is living with autism like for Calder?

I think our world is confusing and intrusive to Calder's delicate senses. Calder hardly talks so I would never have known until I interviewed 31 autistic adults for my book "My Way: 31 Stories of Independent Autism". For example, I learned that they may feel very lost if the question asked of them is too open-ended. This is because they don't know what constitutes acceptable answers. So I try to give Calder choices among 2 or the most 3 options. Questions probably come across as very troublesome to him. Calder is aware that when people ask questions, they often have preferred answers. So questions become a test of whether he gives the model answers. If you ask him whether he wants cha siew rice or chicken rice, he may say chicken rice. But if you ask again, he would answer cha siew rice because he thinks you're asking again because he has gotten the answer wrong. As a result, it's tricky getting Calder to repeat his answers in a situation where you have not heard him clearly. I think it's terrible when people ask questions flippantly without following up. For example, asking Calder if he wants to go out and after he said yes, deciding that you don't want to bring him out after all. After a few of such experiences, he would be convinced that it's not about what he wants but what the questioner wants. I think it's always important to explain changes of plans or expectations. In this confusing world, however, there are pockets of comfort created by people who try to understand him, who appreciate him and who might even enjoy his company.

4. What is living with autism like for you and your family? How do you see autism? 

It's stepping into a bizarre world of parenting where normal rules don't apply. For a neurotypical kid, you may reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. The latter doesn't work with Calder because if the punishment leaves an impression (as it ought), he'd seek that impression again. So I pretend the misbehaviour is nothing important. I distract him from it. Calder hardly talks. He doesn't tell us what he wants or needs. It's a great deal of guesswork based on his body language. He can't tell us why he's sad or angry. So though our heart is heavy, we can't solve for him the root of his problem. We can only comfort him the best we can, and pray for God to take over. 

5. How have you come to understand, accept and embrace this journey? 

Calder is not a problem to solve but a gift from God.

6. Write a letter to Calder. What do you want to say to him, particularly as he turns 21 this year. It can be a birthday card.  

Calder, Mommy will always love you.

7. Write a letter to the public. What do you want to say to them on Calder’s behalf? 

(How would you like the public’s understanding, acceptance and support for Calder look like?)

This is my son, whom I love. He may be 1.9m tall but he doesn't know the right way to do many things. He may stand too near to you on the escalator. He may fart in the lift. He may bump into you. Or snatch the priority seat from you. He may even laugh when you cry. He may try to close your opened door. He may reach out to straighten the fold on your sleeve. But he doesn't mean any harm. Certainly I have tried teaching him the ways of our world, but it may not stick because he doesn't understand or maybe he doesn't see the point. He is simple of heart. He likes to learn. He can sense kindness. I continue to hope that he'd adapt so that one day when I have to leave him, he won't be lost and helpless. Meanwhile, please be patient with him. And if you can, help him reach for the higher place.

Travelling by Bus

Travelling by Bus

After Calder got lost in the MRT once again and I had to go look for him last Monday (13 Oct), I decided to train him to take the bus to work. For the next 4 days, I took Bus 43 with him, showing him the landmarks that signal his destination. "Oh, Marine Terrace. This means we are reaching soon. Look, this building is Marine Gardens. On the left is Fernwood Towers. Ah, traffic light - good time to press the bell. Siglap Linear Park, yes! Alight now." 

The following week, I started letting him take the bus by himself. When the bus is approaching, I would take a picture to capture the vehicle number. Then I show the bus driver Calder's yellow card that says "Please alert me when I am approaching my stop" and ask him to remind Calder to alight at Siglap mrt. Then I send the bus picture to Calder's coaches so that someone would stop the bus at destination point if Calder forgets to alight. The coaches are to step in only when necessary and hide otherwise, so that Calder will not see it as part of the routine for his coaches to collect him. This support should fade off after a week. 

Day 1 (21 Oct) 11.43am

Bus driver was very helpful. When I asked him if he could remind Calder to alight at Siglap, he said no problem - he knew there's a special school there. I told him it's more than 40 stops so perhaps I can put a card at his dashboard to remind him? He said no need. From the footage, I saw that reaching Siglap, he even said goodbye to Calder: "Go down. Calling the Mom ah? Bye Bye. Ok? Bye!" Calder informed me (via WhatsApp) that he arrived at 1.04pm

Day 2 (22 Oct) 11.48am

A different bus driver who looked approachable too. I showed him Calder's yellow "Please alert me when I'm approaching my stop" and the back that said "Siglap mrt". The bus driver said he might forget so I passed him the blue reminder card. I was wondering if I would have to make another reminder card for tomorrow. Good thing the driver followed the instruction and returned the card to Calder before reaching Siglap station. Calder arrived at 1.09pm.

Day 3 (23 Oct) 11.45am

Different bus number but same friendly bus driver as Day 1. He told me no worries because Calder is very smart. Thus assured, I informed Calder's job coaches that today there wouldn't be a need to wait for Calder at the Siglap mrt bus stop. (Forgot to turn on Calder's visual tracker.) Calder arrived at 1.10pm.

Day 4 (24 Oct) 12.01pm

Calder's Dad was the one putting him on the bus. Unfamiliar driver. Calder arrived at 1.27pm.

Day 5 (27 Oct) 12.06pm

Waited more than 20 min for the bus and there was hardly any seat left on the lower deck. Unfamiliar bus driver but he agreed to remind Calder to alight at Siglap mrt. (I hope Calder stays at the lower deck for this to work.) Calder arrived at 1.29pm.

Day 6 (28 Oct) 11.33pm

Stern and unfamiliar bus driver. He nodded when I asked him to remind Calder to alight at Siglap. Had to take this early bus because the next bus arrives in 30 min! Frequency of this bus seems to have dropped significantly after recent change of bus services - 43M scrapped. Looks like it's no longer an option for Calder to take this bus home - I cannot imagine him waiting at the bus stop by himself for 30 min, in the hot afternoon glare. Calder reported his arrival at 1.01pm. 

Day 7 (29 Oct) 11.32am

Unfamiliar but approachable lady bus driver who said ok when I asked her to remind Calder to alight at Siglap. Strangely she seemed to know what I wanted before I asked. Could SMRT have alerted Bus 43 drivers of our need? (I wrote in to ask for help in case Calder misses his stop and is stranded at Upper East Coast terminal. Also took the opportunity to express my gratitude for the help rendered by Bus 43 drivers  reminding Calder to alight.) Many seats already taken up at the lower deck. I was glad to see Calder following my instruction not to take the back-facing seats (so that the bus driver can see him clearly). He was walking to and back searching for a place and a kind lady signaled to him to sit beside her. I told Calder's coach: no need to wait for Calder at the bus stop. Life 360 showed Calder to have arrived at 12.34pm. He reported to me at 12.59pm. 

Day 8 (30 Oct) 11.34am

Bus arrived just as we reached the bus stop and I scrambled after Calder to talk to the bus driver. It's the same driver as 2 days ago - this time he looked less stern. Once again he nodded when I asked him to remind Calder to alight at Siglap mrt. Managed to take a picture of the bus number before it departed. Familiar driver so I told Calder's coach no need to wait at the bus stop. Calder reported his reported at 12.54pm.

Day 9 (31 Oct) 11.27am

Same bus and same bus driver as yesterday. Once again, no need for coach to wait for him at the bus stop. Life 360 said Calder arrived at 12.38pm. He reported arrival at 1.09pm.

Calder is still getting lost coming home by train, but at least he's now reaching his workplace on time. Thank you, Bus 43 drivers!