Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Calder in Taiwan

My family went to Taiwan from 21 to 30 Nov this year (2016). It is our fourth trip involving plane travel. Even as I write about our Taiwan trip, I am very thankful that Calder can travel with us. I know of many families who find travelling with their autistic children too stressful. People with autism like things to stay the same. But travelling is about new places and new routine. Parents are also afraid their autistic children would melt down in unfamiliar public settings.

Calder likes familiarity. Fortunately, over the years, he has improved in his adaptability to be able to accept familiarity by concept. He may not get to stay in the same hotel, but so long as it is a hotel (characterised by clean beds and tidy set-ups), he is happy. During our 10 days in Taiwan, we stayed in 7 different accommodations. We had no problem moving him from one hotel to another. I must admit though, that Calder seemed to lose his delight of hotels as we reached the end of our trip. Perhaps because it had become apparent that we were not staying more than a night in each of them.

Then there is the flight experience. You know how it is that the change in air pressure can upset babies, and make them cry non-stop. I'm not surprised that children with autism, with their highly sensitive senses, would be likewise disturbed. Take-off feels like taking an elevator upwards, so that's fine for Calder. In fact, he looked positively excited when our plane ascended. It's the descent that is tricky because that's when ears start getting blocked. When Calder took his first plane, he was nine. I remember his panic when the plane descended. He dug his fingers into his ears as he cried out, "Take out! Take out!" Unfortunately, ears do not reliably pop once the plane touches down, so we had to pull him along as we cajoled him out from the plane cabin into the airport. The second time he took a plane, he was apparently more prepared so there was less fuss. I tried to help by giving him soft sweets to chew as the plane made its descent. In this fourth trip, Calder began looking worried when our plan descended onto Taiwan, and what I did was to constantly give him more pomegranate kernels to chew. I was less successful on our return to Singapore. Already insecure because of the descent, Calder took offence when I asked him not to push the screen too hard (he was correcting its angle) because it would disturb the passenger in front. It didn't help that the air stewardess spoke in sharp and urgent tone for Ethel to restore her arm rest and to stow her bag under the front seat. Meanwhile, Calder had begun his chanting, repeating phrases like "what happened to your neck", "twisting neck is ugly" as he is apt to do when he approaches distress. I gave him soft candies. He suddenly stood up and said "shee shee". Oops, no toilet when the plane is descending. I gave him more Ricola gummies. Fortunately the unease did not end in a meltdown. By the time we proceeded to pick up our luggage from the conveyor belt, Calder had regained his composure.

Although he appeared to have enjoyed himself, I wouldn't say Calder was entirely cooperative during our Taiwan trip. You see, after he entered adolescence a few months ago, he had been testing our patience by not doing what's expected of him. So we had to remind him several times before he would put on his socks and then shoes. It was as though he had lost his sense of hearing, or that instructions and their impact would disappear into the air as seconds tick by. And if we wished for him to walk with us, one of us had to hold his hand. Once that hand was released, he would turn and walk off in the opposite direction. This happened several times when we were in Taiwan. Unfortunately, when we expressed our disapproval over such behaviour, it could start another round of dismay mounting to distress and we had to do damage repair once again. Woe is he who ruffle Calder because he would then face the arduous task of calming the agitated. But I noticed a curious phenomenon - a blast of cold wind on the street of Taiwan could restore Calder's happiness.

So yes, going to Taiwan during the last week of November was a good idea because the weather was cool, even cold. (Calder does not take well to heat.) Our trip was also an enjoyable one for him because we went around mainly by train. Calder loves travelling by train, by bus, by taxi - in this order of preference. Then there were the many sweet drinks he could consume - the various juices on the plane, the drinks we wanted to try in Taiwan: papaya milk, bubble tea etc.; he even found his favourite Sjora mango-and-peach juice in our last hotel.

Let me list 7 things that made Calder smile in this Taiwan trip:

1. Plane ascent.
2. Taking trains.
3. Hotel rooms.
4. Sweet drinks.
5. Cold wind.
6. Spinning rides at Farglory Ocean Park. 7.Variety of food at buffet breakfast.

Considering the cheap food and amiable people (taxi drivers, especially) and ease of communication - yes, we are returning to Taiwan again.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Rain Man

Since Ethel has finished reading "Come into My World : 31 Stories of Autism in Singapore ",  I thought perhaps we can watch together the classic movie Rain Man. She decined "because movies about autism are always very sad" (she came to that conclusion from watching Jet Li's 海洋公园). I don't remember Rain Man being sad, so Ethel said she'd give it a try. But we saw on the video box the rating - NC16 (not suitable for kids below 16) so hubby and I ended up watching it after the children have gone to bed. Oh how I identify with Tom's exasperation having to give in to Dustin's habits despite ill logic and great inconvenience. Right now Calder is insisting that we watch him in order for him to finish any task. We even have to fetch him from the toilet. Watching Rain Man made me wonder - perhaps Calder is as powerless to change his system as Dustin. And so I become more patient with him. At the back of my mind, unfortunately, linger misgivings whether giving in isn't encouraging bad habits. It's a big dilemma I believe many parents face - to be kind or to be firm. Ethel would enjoy Dustin's performance, I thought. But when I reached the end of the movie, I came to the conclusion - no, I shan't let her watch this movie. Because I don't want her to think the final and best solution is to put her brother in an institution.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

STRING

"Finish already, come out, ok?"
"Finish, come out!"
"Calder, finish - come out!"
"Calder come out!"
"Calder!"
"Calder Kam Chuen!"

The exasperation of a Mom who couldn't get her autistic adolescent to come out of the male toilet. Oh, if only he could be tied to a string that I can pull to get him out of the Gents. It's at times like this that I wish all public pools have unisex toilets.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

DEFY

Calder has taken to doing things wrong and waiting for us to correct him. He puts on his pants back to front, wears his shirt inside out, even attempts to spoon food into his cup. Then he watches our reaction. Are we facing the most primitive form of teenage rebellion?

Monday, October 3, 2016

PASS URINE

There's nothing that gets to a Mom than when her 12-year-old empties his bladder entirely into his pants and laughs over it, and does it successively. Makes you want to lie down and not do anything for a long long time.

Books

When I borrow books for Calder, I choose those with uncluttered design, with short text because Calder's habit is to read aloud from beginning to end in one sitting. Calder also likes books with photographs.   Found this wonderful educational series on how things are made: Step-by-step Transformations. This morning, without prompting, Calder picks up the one on orange juice and starts reading it with glee. Rare initiative. I rewarded him with an orange.

Friday, September 30, 2016

SPEAK

Is it possible to speak without moving the lips? Calder has been doing that lately, so much so that I have to ask him to repeat  5 times before I could figure out what he said.