Piano Fiasco

A few days ago, Calder melted down because he could not play a new piano piece.

I must confess I was largely at fault. I didn't hide my exasperation that he couldn't recognise the basic high C note. And that he couldn't see that two notes on the same line means he should play the same sound twice. I forgot often that Calder cannot sight-read.

Last Thursday, Calder's piano teacher remarked that Calder must have been working very hard to be able to grasp one song within one week. Truth is Calder doesn't have homework and tests like his sister because he studies in a special school. At home, if he doesn't play the piano, he's watching TV or listening to music. He has no initiative to practice on his own but he's always very happy when Mommy has time to guide him in his piano. And it gives him great delight to be able to play a new music piece from beginning to end. We usually tackle the piece a portion at a time so it takes him about four days to go through a longer piece.

If he's able to play the piano relatively well, it's because he likes to practise. He can sit at the piano for an hour, playing till his hands ache and he has to shake his fingers loose yet he remains cheerful. It's also because he has good memory. I'm always amazed by how his left fingers can settle so easily at the correct keys for chords. The other thing I've observed is that his brain does amazing fixing when he's asleep - the mistakes committed at one practice would have disappeared by the next day's practice.

I enjoy guiding him at his piano. Yes, I help him learn his music pieces even though I've discovered long ago that I'm no longer his match - I can tell when he plays  wrongly but cannot demonstrate the right way to go about it.

Saturday morning was our first time trying out Marriage D'amour. He couldn't place his fingers at the right places so I instructed him to play the same portion over and over again. I pointed at a note on the score and asked him what it was and was frustrated when he gave me random answers. I said, "Play double of each note, Calder" and carelessly overlooked that of course he wouldn't know what's "double".

That's when Calder started banging the piano and chanted "take escalator take escalator" (no idea why he said that) and yelled.

Oh oh. We were supposed to join his granny for lunch. Can he make it? Should I let him play familiar pieces to calm him down? Nope, not working. So I asked him to lie on his bed before I turned off the light. I vaguely remembered that he had been taught (in school) breathing techniques to calm down. So I asked him to blow 20 times. Still crying.

I took over the blowing instead. "One (gentle blow on his face), two (another gentle blow on his face), three... twenty (a kiss on his forehead)." Again, Calder? He indicated yes. So I did it another two rounds.

By this time, I was smiling as I blew. Because he had stopped crying. His breathing had calmed and he was gazing very intently into my eyes. A very special moment.

"Calder Mommy love. Sorry I was impatient."

Then I got him to blow onto my fingers 20 times. And directed him to the kitchen for apple (I've noticed that crunching has a calming effect). And in case he was hungry, I gave him a cake too.

By the time we came out of the house to take a bus, he was smiling.

Sunshine after the rain.

I must remember that Calder can play the piano without recognising notes. I must also handle his feelings with care, and not assume that because he is quiet, he is immune.

Gok Gok

Two days ago, Calder tripped when he was alighting from the school bus. First I saw his haversack flying to the ground. Then I saw him tumbling onto the asphalt.

"Ahahaha! Gok gok!" He wailed tearlessly. "Ooh dear ooh dear!" I joined him, "It's ok - Mommy will clean clean." At the back of my mind, I was thinking: Uh oh. Is he going to melt down?

Though distraught, he followed me up the flat and into the bathroom and watched as I sprayed water to clean his knee. By then, blood was oozing from the scrapes.

"Mommy put cream cream," I narrated as I applied antiseptic using a cotton bud, "Ooh dear. Calder fell down and it's so painful!" I blew gently on his knee.

The next thing I thought of is: Can he go bowling in this state? (He learns bowling with Special Olympics every Tuesday afternoon.) Probably not. And no swimming tomorrow either (he has swimming CCA in school every Wednesday). Uh oh. Is he going to get upset for missing these favourite activities?

I explained, "Calder, gok gok so no bowling. And cannot swim tomorrow because it'll be painful in the water."

So he spent the afternoon sitting on the sofa watching TV, listening to music. Good thing he could still practise piano - another of his favourite thing to do.

I waited till end of the day, when the wound is dryer, to bathe him. "What happened, Calder?" I asked when he grimaced. "Gok gok!" So the wound was smarting under the running water. When I tried to reapply the antiseptic cream, he held onto my hands to keep me from touching his knee.

"Calder, do you want to swim tomorrow?" I ventured.

"No!"

For your information, Calder replies "yeh" to almost anything.

The next day, when I stopped him from blowing at my face (his new idea of play), he put up his leg and blew at his injured knee instead. And giggled.

I'm so thankful that Calder did not melt down during the episode. Though painful, this is also a precious experience for the meaningful interaction that ensued.

Taiwan 2017 Itinerary

Our leisurely family visit to Taiwan from 7 to 19 Dec 2017.

WINDOW

One of Calder's favourite things to do is look out of the window at the traffic below.

Swim

Brought the kids for a swim yesterday. Calder was hopping around in excitement as he adjusted himself to the cold water of the pool. Barely 7 minutes into play, however, it started raining and I had to call the kids out of the pool. I registered first Calder's confusion at having to leave the pool so soon. I registered next that he was the first to obey. He came out dripping wet, watched quietly as his sister and cousin played a bit more and eventually came out. The moment is treasured in my heart as I thank God for what a good boy he is.

Why?

A friend recounted to me a heartfelt conversation she had with her teenage son...

The son: Mommy, why is God so unfair to Calder and me? Did we do anything wrong? Why did he make us like that - Calder with his autism and me with my dyslexia and ADHD?

My friend: The world thinks you and Calder are hopeless, but to God,  you are hope. Because you will make it and glorify God in your improvements.

John 9:1‭-‬3 NLT -

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered.

“This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."

Lotus Pao

Calder has been buying food from his school canteen.

Me: What did you eat in school today?
Calder: Lotus pao.

But when I was packing his bag for the next day, I found the lotus pao uneaten in his snack bag.

No wonder he ate his lunch so fast after school - he was hungry for not having eaten his snack.

Why was the lotus pao bought but uneaten?

I figured he had entered the state of paralysis again, not able to do what he wants until prompted. And nobody noticed him not eating the food he bought.

No wonder he had that something-is-not-right look on his face. Something had been left undone.

When Calder is in this strange state of discontent, he would avoid eye contact, to the extent of turning whole body away from people.

What do we do?

We enter twilight zone and wait for him to return.