You

Calder went on an outing to Bishan Park yesterday and I decided to check on him by texting him. As usual, he video-called me when he saw I was online. 

Me: Hello Calder!

Calder: Hello Mommy!

Me: Where are you?

Calder: In the living room! 

Me: Are you in the living room?

Calder: No!

Me: Where are you?

Calder: At home!

Me: You are at home?

Calder: No!

I realised that Calder was giving my whereabouts, not his own location, so I modified my question.

Me: Where is Calder?

Calder: At Macdonald's! (Right answer.)

I just realized that Calder does not understand "you". 

Community

Had a Zoom autism sharing with 40 NUS Psychology students this morning and was asked my hopes or dreams for Calder. 

I hope Calder would always be surrounded by people who protect and appreciate him, who believe in him. 

Ethel, my hubby and I have been serving in the worship team in our church and during Covid, Calder joined us as pianist. It was easier when his piano was recorded, because it could be edited before use. When the church resumed physical service, I got Calder to play piano solo at the start of my worship sessions. However, he has the tendency to play faster and faster, especially if it's a piece he's very familiar with. Halfway through a piece, he might even stop to scratch his nose! Hence, sometimes I wondered if I was inconsiderate to give him such a conspicuous role. 

But one after another, church members came to tell me how much they enjoyed his piano performances. I realised then that they saw not his imperfections but his improvements. And I am so thankful. 

Heaven

Recently we discovered that Google Home Mini would play very lovely music when we say "Ok Google, play Christian piano." 

Today, Calder was lying on his bed listening to the peaceful instrumental and I was beside him, scrolling on my handphone. 

"The music is so nice, isn't it?" I remarked, "Thank Uncle Leong for buying Calder this Google Home Mini." 

Uncle Leong, who passed away in March this year, was Calder's best friend. 

It occurred to me to ask, "Calder, where is Uncle Leong?" Calder tried to find the answer in my eyes. So I gave him an answer: "Uncle Leong is in heaven." 

Then I ventured, "Where is Popo?" (Popo is my mom who passed away in May this year.) Another gaze from him. So I supplied: "Popo is in heaven. " 

And I asked again: "Where is Mama?" (Mama is my mother-in-law who has also passed away.) By this time, he had figured out the answer: "Mama is in heaven."

"That's right," I responded, "next time we go to heaven ok?"

"Ok."

I wonder what Calder understands to be "heaven". The way I referred to it - might it seem to him like a place of vacation, like Taiwan? 

Socks

In the middle of work, Calder took off his socks, smelled them and started laughing to himself. The social worker recounted the above scenario to me and asked if he was being cheeky. I told her I would ensure that he changes his socks regularly. 

Never knew one could get high from smelly socks.