Recently, Calder has been in the habit of tearing things. Last week, I was informed by his sheltered workshop that he tore off plastic from a packet drink on the trainer's desk, and removed a sticker label from a work material. When told not to do these, he melted down, "stomping and banging tables and things around him".
I imagined the scene from a third person's perspective and realised how frightening that must have seemed. Autism is no joke when a meltdown is happening, especially since Calder is so tall and strong.
How do I react when Calder has a meltdown? I approach him gently and try to sooth his agitation: "Ooh, Calder is upset. What happened? Come and sit with Mommy. Do you want to hear me sing? Let's breathe in and out..."
I could humour him like this because I love him. But Calder's meltdown would look very different to someone who does not know him well enough to love him. If you do not love him, you would not be able to accommodate him with his meltdowns. When you see him in a rising state of agitation, you would want to run away. To you, he is nothing but unnecessary trouble. You would wish him out of your life asap, much less think of ways to help him.
So I pray that even without words, Calder will bond with people he meets, especially those tasked to take care of him. I pray that they will see the lovable side of him, to give him benefit of the doubt, and that they will graciously give him room to show he can do better, time and time again.
